Muslimahs not Giving Salaams

[Image from IFAM]

Asalamualaykum

Why is it that when I go out (of my house into the public) and see Muslim sisters and give them the Muslim greeting of salaams, they don’t reply walaykumasalam? I brought this up because it just happened to me again yesterday. A Muslim couple moved just 2 blocks away from us and I finally came close to the sister and before I had the time to say salaams, she quickly turned around and acted like she never seen me. This always happens to me.

I learned that when a Muslim greets you, it is obligatory for you to respond. Forget about responding, Muslims should rush to be the first to say it since the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Those who are nearest to Allah are they who are first to give a salutation. Even if I didn’t know this hadith, I am just always happy to see a Muslimah so I’m always fast to be the first to say salaams, but 80% of the time I get the cold shoulder. I honestly get embarrassed and feel like I’m talking to myself.

 Am I missing something? I always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt instead of getting upset, so I thought about it and I realized that sometimes my husband is next to me when I give salaams to sisters, so maybe they are shy to respond back in front of him. If that’s the case then I understand and happy to witness their haya (shyness and modesty).

I wear niqab and get a lot of negative comments from Muslims as well (not just from non-Muslims) so I thought perhaps I don’t get responds because of that? Maybe they feel like a Muslim like me, who commits such an evil act by wearing niqab (sarcasm), does not deserve a ‘walaykumasalam’?  I remember this Muslim lady being so angry at me and told me that I’m not following Islam because I wear niqab and that I need to take it off (it’s funny because she didn’t even wear hijab and had hair so short you’d think she was a lesbian). That was the worst experience I’ve ever been through since wearing niqab, and it just so happened to be caused by another Muslimah. If that’s the case for other Muslimahs to not greet me, then God forgive and guide them.

What about the other times? When there are no men around (my husband or other non mahrams)? I will be grocery shopping or in the women’s section of a clothing store and will still not get responds from Muslimahs.

When my husband is in public, he always gets warm greetings from other brother’s and often has 5 minute conversations before moving on. I’d ask him if he knew the brother and he’d tell me no, that they just met. Why can’t it be like that with the sisters? My husband thinks women just have certain issues, and greeting and being friendly with strangers is just one of them.  I’m starting to think he’s right because of seeing the difference between how Muslim men and women socialize in public.

Like I said, I could just be missing knowledge about women in Islam concerning the public and greetings. Hopefully someone can fill me in or I’ll soon find out myself.

More info on the Muslim greeting:

The Noble Qur'an An-Nisa 4:86

When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allâh is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things. 

      Ibn Katheer raheemahullaah explained this verse by saying: "If the person greeted you with the Salaam you should reply in a better form, or reply similarly. However, the extended form is preferable, but the shorter is compulsory. Which means that greeting is preferable but the greeting in return is compulsory, and it should be in the form of the Salaam and not in any other form."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1046

Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "The most miserly of all people is one who is miserly with greetings. The weakest of all people is a person who is weak in [making] du'a (supplication prayer)."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 8.251, Narrated Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) said, "The riding one should greet the walking one, and the walking one should greet the sitting one, and the small number of persons should greet the large number of persons." 

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 4.543, Narrated Abu Huraira, r.a.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "Allah created Adam, making him 60 cubits tall. When He created him, He said to him, "Go and greet that group of angels, and listen to their reply, for it will be your greeting (salutation) and the greeting (salutation) of your offspring." So, Adam said (to the angels), As-Salamu Alaikum (i.e. Peace be upon you). The angels said, "As-salamu Alaika wa Rahmatu-l-lahi" (i.e. Peace and Allah's Mercy be upon you). Thus the angels added to Adam's salutation the expression, 'Wa Rahmatu-l-lahi.' Any person who will enter Paradise will resemble Adam (in appearance and figure). People have been decreasing in stature since Adam's creation. 

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 4649, Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (peave be upon him) said, "He does not belong to us who imitates other people. Do not imitate the Jews or the Christians, for the Jews' salutation is to make a gesture with the fingers and the Christians' salutation is to make a gesture with the palms of the hands.

(Do not wave your hands with palms facing the person, which has historically been and still is the way  Christians greet with gestures.  Likewise do not use your fingers as the Jews do.)